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Ten Ways to Set Appropriate Expectations for Dating
by: Jane Johnson
1) Give yourself time to get back into the groove of dating
If you haven’t dated in a while it may require an investment
of time and effort on your part if you are ultimately looking
for a soul-mate. As we get older and learn from our experiences
our requirements for an ideal mate may change and some things
that were must haves may become negotiable. Getting dating
experience helps with clarity around what is and is not negotiable
in a mate. Detach from how long you think it ought to take
to find your soul-mate.
2) Develop a “catch and release” program which
supports your quest for an ideal mate.
Remember if you’re dating someone you really enjoy
AND deep down know they are not “the one” –
by keeping this person in your life hoping they will magically
become “the one” – it keeps them and YOU
from being open for the real “one”. Don’t
be afraid to adopt a catch and release program if it’s
not perfect, for you. Just maybe your ideal mate is waiting
for you to become available!
3) Be irresistibly YOU!
At the end of the day – when people fall in love –
it’s because they feel they know the “real you”.
Why wait until later to reveal who that person is –
start being YOU in every moment. Others may just find you
irresistibly attractive!
4) Say…I’m curious…
The best way to get to know someone is to be curious about
life through their eyes. We can never have the same experiences
because we view life through our own filters and our own conditioning.
So be curious – find out what makes the other person
light up! What they are passionate about!
5) Who says dating can’t be fun?!
Have FUN!!! Adopt an expectation of fun. When you are having
fun the best of you is coming out to play. Isn’t that
a great way to enjoy yourself and time with others? What a
wonderful gift to share with another human being – you
being your best and most fun?! Your future happiness depends
on it!
6) Tell me more…
Ask questions and be a good listener. Get to know the real
person you are sitting across from. Being drilled with “interview”
questions is not a good relating technique! Being interviewed
on a date creates a hostile environment and puts the other
person on the defensive. Relax and remember have fun and enjoy
hearing about life from another perspective. Listen for cues
when the other person speaks for a good next question. Let
the conversation flow.
7) Rescue ME!
Don’t expect your date or your soul-mate to rescue
you from your life. Entering into a healthy relationship means
both parties come together as whole human beings and together
you become even more amazing. If you are needy you may attract
exactly what you don’t want and repel what you do want.
8) It all makes sense!
Each of us has our own unique life purpose. Remembering that
gives, having judgment or controlling others, quite a different
perspective. Having others do things your way may not always
help them with their own life lessons or you with yours!
9) Neeeeeext?!
Be accepting of others. This does not mean that every person
is a right match for you nor does it mean inappropriate behaviors
are overlooked. It means you have a choice of whether to see
this person again or not. Listen to your own intuition.
10) What’s the big rush…this is your life we’re
talking about!
Take your time getting to know this new person in your life.
Resist the urge to marry your date, in your mind, on the first
(second, third…?) date. Engaging your emotions before
you have enough information will hinder your ability to notice
relationship red flags.
About The Author:
This piece was originally submitted by Jane Johnson, a certified
life coach who has experienced the world of internet dating.
After a nearly 20 year hiatus from dating, she immersed herself
in the activity. The following are tips from her observations,
interviews and personal experiences. You can reach her at
www.doingcoolstuff.com |
